capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
