fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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