you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
