I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
