You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
