i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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