I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
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