i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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