I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
