Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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