I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
