Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
