Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
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