Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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