dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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