Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
