I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
