I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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