I wish you could order shots online.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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