Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize