she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have aggressive nipples.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
