he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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