I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
