i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
