I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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