She just used a chaser for red wine.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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