Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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