bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
