i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
