She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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