Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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