better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
