FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
