her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
