3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
