My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
