Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
