I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize