Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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