What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
