rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
