How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
