she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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