Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
