I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
