We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I AM VODKA MAN
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
