It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
