and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
