it's too hot outside to masturbate.
no, he came in my armpit
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize