I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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