just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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