So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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