He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
