I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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