Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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