More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
