im drinking this country out of the recession.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
did i walk over a car last night?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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