I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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