Me. At least after what I've been through.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
