In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
