i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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