You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
