God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i barfeds in our rink
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
