Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
