Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
