trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
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So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
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There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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