The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
