tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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