okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
