Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
