so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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