I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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