i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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