I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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