I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
