I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
