there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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