my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
